What I Wore - Date Night Attire and I'm Not Fun
But the biggest reason that we don't go on real dates very often is that until the last few months, dates just haven't been really fun. I often have had my expectations too high, and that never ends well. When my husband was late or ate just before we left for dinner, I was too frustrated to have fun. We would just end up fighting, and I couldn't get over it, so we'd go home even worse off than if we hadn't gone. I have a natural tendency to be un-fun, so dates with my thrill-loving hubby don't always work out. For example, even on Valentine's Day of this year, we again had a mess of a date. I got a sitter ahead of time and planned on going out for dinner - quiet, easy, low key - my kind of date. When we left the house (late), Soren decided to first take me driving in his recently purchased Volvo S60R. The purpose was to show me how fast his car can go (um - really, really fast) and to make me drive it (NO WAY). I really, really don't like fast cars, fast roller coasters, or anything like it - but Soren loves those kind of things. Well honestly, I was a terrible sport about his car that night. (I haven't admitted that to him yet.) I was so mad at him for pushing me out of my comfort zone and making me drive his speedy car and sweating me out. He knows I hate that stuff - and I know he loves that stuff- so I guess neither of us was looking to be a good sport that night. We ended up going to Red Robin afterwards, but I was too close to angry tears to even be seated. We went home hungry and I ate cold cereal for dinner. Ugh.
BUT last weekend we had a small victory. Or a huge one. For the first time that either of us can remember we got a sitter, went out to dinner, and just enjoyed talking about our plans and dreams for a couple of hours. We didn't fight, argue, have hurt feelings, or stress about the kids. We ate dinner, took home dessert, and hung out. It was simple but it felt so good. It felt like progress. In so many ways we are such a great team because we are such opposites. But we really still struggle with getting along and communicating even after almost eight years of marriage.
I get frustrated and I get naggy, but I'm grateful when I can see such simple and happy signs of progress. Marriage is tough, but I think we are tough enough to handle it.
How do you make date night happen? What are your best tips for making it go smoothly? ;)
// Outfit Details //
Top - Stitch Fix
Pants - c/o Boden
Shoes - Old Navy
Clutch - c/o Jane
Jewelry - ONE little MOMMA
My husband and I are both homebodies so we usually have a nice dinner in after the kids are in bed. But every once in awhile I enjoy the chance to get out, usually if we're visiting with family or on vacation with family, and it's no hassle to get someone to watch the kids.
ReplyDeleteI came here in the first place mostly for style help, but I really enjoy reading everything you have to say about marriage and motherhood. It is all such hard, hard work and you have to dig deep and find ways to keep giving even when you'd rather feel sorry for yourself. You're a great example to the rest of us in doing that. I'm so happy for you that you had date night victory.
Hugs to you. I so know where you're coming from. Oh my. We are going on almost 14 years of marriage and we still get into ruts where, when we don't really put forth our all into communicating, we start to nit pick at each other. And it escalates from there. We recently had a date night that started out nice but ended in tears and yelling. It was not fun.
ReplyDeleteThe 2 biggest things we've learned that help us are 1) fake it till you make it. sure, sounds silly and lame, but its true. if you're pissed at each other or pissy in general, just pretend its all good. ask each other about your day. smile. it helps melt the tension. and 2) make concessions. both of you. compromise.
hang in there. xoxo
Your successful date night just made me smile so big! I'm glad it went so well! Hopefully there will be many more like that!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rachel above... I found your blog through style (which I like) but the "real" posts are what make this blog a favorite.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I used to fight every single time we would attend a wedding. Like, huge fights... me threatening to call a cab or walk home type of thing. The only problem? He likes to dance and I am soooo uncomfortable on the dance floor. It would turn into a huge deal complete with tears and yelling (not at the reception, but after) He finally learned not to push me and I try very hard to step out of my comfort zone a little more often. It seems silly that something so small almost ruined us.
my hubby and I were married 17 years ago. we were just 19 years old. 7 years later we had our first child.. then another and 5 years later one more. marriage is hard. it is beautiful. it is ugly. it is chaos. it is peaceful. we also have our moments where communicating is rough. through it all … we just try to remember that we are committed to each other. we have been through so much and will continue to go through "stuff". we hang onto God and his words.. sometimes having to take ourselves out of the equation completely and breathe. thanks for being so vulnerable and showing real life on here. not everything is as perfect as photos show. life is a beautiful mess.
ReplyDeletei love your realness in your posts!!!! its why your blog is one i can NEVER skip over!!!
ReplyDeleteWe honestly just take turns picking a date the we like (like he picks one he will like, I pick one I will like, etc.). We tried for so long to do things we both like, and we seriously have almost nothing in common! So I figure, even if he takes me shooting (which he loves and I hate), at least one of us has fun, and I can be a good sport about it and pick something I like next. Or we try to find classes about something neither of us knows very much about, so we're both stepping out of our comfort zones a little. Every once in a while I will try to pick something for him and vice versa (like for a birthday or something), but if we try to do that every time, it usually just leads to us being disappointed and frustrated because we didn't get what the other one would like right, if that makes sense. We're getting better, but dating is seriously hard when you're married. I think any progress is definitely worth celebrating :)
ReplyDeleteI love how honest you are about how hard marriage can be. I am married to my complete opposite and sometimes it's great but sometimes I want to smother him at night! I am always guilty of never being appreciative of what's in front of me. I am so happy that you had a great date night and most importantly, you looked awesome!
ReplyDeleteI am a new reader but I agree I love how honest you are about struggles but still positive. I have been married 9 months and sometimes it seems so overwhelming. How can you love someone so much and yet find them so frustrating at times. But it is nice to hear about a real couple who are trying and love each other.
ReplyDeleteYay for a good date night! Brian and I are t very good about planning them but had the weekend to up self recent
ReplyDeleteY and that was so nice. Thanks goodness for grandparents!
I just love your blog... i'm always sneaking back on to see what cute outfits you have posted ;) I love your candidness about life. It's refreshing to read and relate to normal non-sugar coated living :) btw... I love your recent date post. I was laughing b/c I can so relate!
ReplyDeleteI like to give the hubs massages and we listen to conference talks after the kids go to bed. I am a mommy of four and its also hard to get out on a formal date with the hubs.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a good date!! One thing we changed for dating in our marriage is we do "lunch" dates. Because come night time I'm too tired to go out. We take turns planning and only go once a month. We've done the theatre, cooking classes, chocolate tasting, museums and always end it with a sweet tooth fairy cupcake!! Now we both look forward to dates!!
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a successful date night! My exboyfriend and I would alway switch off on what we wanted to do. One day we'd do something he liked, and the next we'd do something I liked. We're both pretty open, so we were actually able to find things we both liked, but didn't know until the other forced us to try it.
ReplyDeleteArielle from Tangled Musings
Reading this post (and all of the comments) made me feel a lot better about the communication riff that can occur between my boyfriend and I sometimes (we've been together almost 7 years now!). It's ok for things to not be perfect - they're not supposed to be. The important thing is your commitment to each other and your willingness to keep learning and growing together.
ReplyDeleteBailey
aka Bailey
I love this honesty....so many people pretend everything is fine and marriage is easy. I have fibromyalgia so we have an extra variable which is whether I'll feel up to a night out. I try to make sure I rest for a few hours earlier in the day (usually during my daughter's nap) and then we love going out to dinner and maybe fro yo or something. We try for 2 date nights out a month. It really does help. Also sometimes a lunch date on a Saturday works better for my mom to watch our daughter so we have varied it up that way.
ReplyDeleteYour blog makes me feel less crazy.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Oh, how I needed to read this! We don't have children yet, but dates still seem elusive. I get frustrated by it, expecting big plans and Pinterest-worthy moments, but need to remember how much time we do spend together. Our marriage isn't supposed to be for everyone else, it's for us and our family. So finding time together commuting or making a sandwich at home is what's working best for us right now.
ReplyDeleteI had to post on this! For one...I LOVE the outfit; I am a stalker and have never commented! LOL I absolutely love your style!!! Second....AMEN!!! My hubby and I are the same.....we have been married for 24 years this year. My hubby is a risk taker, thrill seeker, drive fast things, go go go; me...I am the "safe" one...i guess...fun hater...LOL. I too always have high expectations on a "date night", but usually feel the same as you. I sometimes feel that we just don't get each other sometimes and our communication is aweful....definately something I would like to work on. I have told him that we need to really work on our communication and discussions about feelings and our thoughts. I have noticed in our daughter; who is now 16, is a terrible communicator, and hates to discuss feelings and thoughts. This is sad, because we have caused this by not being better about that.....she knows no different, because she sees none of that from us!
ReplyDeleteIt's actually nice to see that I am not the only one dealing with this....I appreciate how open and honest you are on your blog; I love it! Take care and so sorry for the long rant! LOL
Jodi
first time commenter here... and newlywed whose been with her mister for almost 5 years now. oh MY how I can relate.... I'm glad I'm not the only frustrated nagger... and that we all have a little crazy in us. Thanks for your honesty, so many other bloggers have it "picture perfect" but it's nice to know that that isn't reality. I agree it's hard, but you have to work for it. And it seems like you both are. Thanks for this... I needed it!
ReplyDeleteIt is so refreshing to hear you express your feelings like this. My fiance and I are getting married September 27 of this year.we have been together five years. And lately we have gotten into a rut. We have a 13 month old and have sort of gotten into a whole routine of things and sometimes it feels like the romance has gone out the window. I love him with all of my heart and he is a great fiance and daddy but I realize that no matter how good or bad things may be relationships will ALWAYS take work.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your blogs and showing me that I am not the only one out there who deals with this. I am glad you and your husband did have a good date...sometimes even the smallest of dates are the best of dates.
Good Luck and keep your chin up always
Jen
I love her watch! Where can I get this?
ReplyDelete